Do you find yourself feeling resentful of those that appear happy? Do you question other’s happiness? Do you have feelings of wanting more for yourself? You could be like me, stuck in self pity mode and fear change. For years and sometimes still, I find myself resisting happiness. It’s sometimes easier for me to have a reason to be unhappy and do nothing, rather than happy and doing something.
I sometimes think that instead of putting in the effort to make the changes needed to feel better we often would rather be miserable, angry and sad. For some of us it’s our default mode and very easy to fall back on. It’s easy to say, “I’ll start eating better tomorrow” or “I’ll finish that project next week.” It’s easier to blame others and avoid responsibility for our attitudes, minds and bodies. Taking responsibility holds us accountable for following through with our ideas and desires. Instead we blame and let situations in our lives keep us from doing the work to feel better; something that we so deeply long for.
There have been so many times that I have complained about wanting more for myself, but let fear consistently resist change. Once you realize that there is no one or thing that can prevent you from reaching your goals or desires is when you will be set free. Family, work and relationships are some of the most common things we let be a reason to ignore the things we want. We fear change. Fear of the loss of a false sense of control and the unknown.
Some of you might be thinking, what does she know, family is a good reason to skip out on going to the gym or a much needed long bath. There is a difference between skipping out on a work out to spend time with your family and doing what is needed to make yourself feel better to be able to spend time with your family. When we feel bad about ourselves and our mental and physical health is at risk, the suffering we feel causes pain to others. It is our own responsibility to make the necessary change to feel better for our family, friends and ourselves. If you are unhappy or unsatisfied with yourself, no one or thing can make you feel better but yourself. Take a deep inhale…exhale….no one or thing can make you feel better but yourself.
It will benefit everyone around you when you do make the effort to follow through with your wants and desires. Your happiness will uplift and inspire your family. Wanting something better for ourselves and repeatedly choosing to sit on the couch instead of going to the gym or reading that book is going to fuel negative and shameful thinking. You will resent others who do make an effort in their lives to be better versions of themselves. You will take your anger and frustration with yourself out on others and your family.
The good thing is that change and effort can begin now. By choosing to follow through with what you want, if even for just one day, is enough to ignite change. Notice the difference of your attitude and how you feel after you accomplish just a tiny step in the right direction.
How to Change Your Life and Feel Better:
- Awareness. Change always requires awareness. Awareness of what you want. Maybe you want to lose weight or are bored and want to read more. Maybe you are stressed and want more space and alone time or want more for your career. Recognize the needs that you are ignoring. Notice the thoughts you are having and ideas that keep sparking up. What is it that you want for yourself?
- Communication. Communication is key when dealing with change. I have personally experienced the fallout of miscommunication. We often are unsure of why we feel a certain way and what we really want. Communicate with your partner about how you are feeling; making sure to let them know it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with how you feel about yourself. If you spark change with no warning it can lead to some pretty intense feedback from your loved ones in your life. You might even be surprised that those in your life could be feeling the same dissatisfaction.
- Commit. Change does not happen over night. Think small. One day at a time. Today I am going to the gym, maybe I will go tomorrow, but I am for sure going today. Don’t promise yourself anything that you know you can not accomplish. Small goals. Once a week and stick to it. Make it a priority for yourself and let everyone in your life know. Monday nights I am going to cook a vegetarian meal or read instead of watch TV.