Grief is an incredible state of being. It can take over your entire world, leaving every moment feeling empty, lost and void of meaning. Grief does not discriminate, it is subjective and can not be compared to one another. Not many people talk about their grief, leaving most of us blindly trying to figure out how to deal with grief and how to move forward from grief.
My grief was initiated by a breakup, which compared to others can feel petty, but grief still feels like grief no matter the circumstance. The grief of my breakup was an invitation to acknowledge a deeper fear and pain that I had been avoiding. The fear of rejection and being alone mixed with the pain of not loving myself. I had been repeating the same relationship patterns in my life. I had never learned how to love myself, my parents were not great examples of this. Therefore, I was left to swim on my own, searching for love in ways I had learned from broken people.
My breakup was interesting because it was something I had thought about doing myself, I wasn’t happy. I never followed through because I loved him and I feared the unknown and being alone. During the initial phases of my breakup I would cry all day every day. When I spoke about it, all that really came out was my pain from losing him. I knew there some something more but was afraid to face. There was a deeper pain that was now surfacing. The pain of rejection and being alone.
This went on for months. People were concerned and suggested ways to get rid of the pain. For me it was personal and something that I felt I didn’t want taken from me. I felt that I needed to go through this and wasn’t ready to let it go. All the self pitty and criticism that I lived with, took over me. I wallowed in it, for months. I flirted with the idea of letting it go and moving forward. It was something that i knew once I began to move forward from I would not look back. In a way I cherished the time I was experiencing in grief.
I began to let grief settle in. To fully let it take over me. I’m not sure if this was a necessary step, but it was something that happened that I never fully let happen in the past. It felt different than any grief in my past. It was cracking me open.
It was breaking any type of belief system I had and it was preparing me for who I had been wanting to become. I had to let go of who I thought I was and accept someone new. Letting go was the real grief I was experiencing. Not the break up, but letting go of who I thought I was. I cried every day almost all day for 6 months.
Not a lot of people in my close circle were familiar with this kind of grief. Some told me to move on, some thought something was wrong and some suggest to get on medication. I knew they were right, I did need to move on at some point and prob could use some help. I reached out for help from anyone who I thought might provide some relief. I received help from healers, therapists and friends.
What I realized is what I needed was insight.
Someone told me their story of grief and how she would take walks every time she was beginning to down spiral. My energy healer taught me how to connect with the earth. I began to take short walks throughout the day and do quick meditations to ground myself in the security of mother earths energy vs the arms of a man. These are the steps that were hard, it required my action. It was how I began to move forward from my grief.
Grief is an opportunity for many of us to dig deep and is a gift no matter the circumstance.
Tips on How to Begin to Move Forward from Grief.
- Consider seeing a therapist and/or an energy healer or shaman.
- Incorporate some light activities into your day like walking, light yoga or cleaning.
- When you begin to feel yourself slip back into ruminating thinking, reconnect with your breath. This grounding exercise helps to connect with your breath and the earth to feel more in control, calm and centered.
- Give yourself time. Allow yourself to heal with no timeline.
- Take baby steps. You will most likely not wake up one day and drastically feel different. Each baby step you take is the healing from grief. Each walk, each moment you connect with your breath, each bath is a step forward. Learning how to live with grief is the journey forward.